When an issue arises, and you want to fix it, there are several ways to go about it. These are the steps that I took. I looked into why it happened, as it came so sudden and unexpected. Did I cause it? There is a fair possibility that I did; sometimes I’m too blunt, too unfiltered. Without looking into it any further I took my loss, eventhough I din’t feel that I did anything wrong. Sure, it hasn’t been a conversation that I would have had with just anyone, but it was a friendly, respectful two-way conversation, with both of us bringing up talking points. The conversation ended in a friendly way, and I thought nothing of it.
It was the next week that I found out that I did something wrong; horribly wrong. We could no longer meet, no longer walk, no longer talk. All was destroyed, without me realizing it.
I wanted to talk about it and find out what it was that I said or did that was so bad. Hoping that a FaceTime call would clear things up, were just that: hopes. It made the confusion for me only larger.
After a while I slowly started to accept that I was a monster and deserved this. After all that we’ve been trough, this is how I had showed my respect, and it had been pretty respectless.
A few months later, I looked into a disorder that my wife asked about. She heard of it from a friend, and wasn’t sure what that ment. I started to get more information about it, when I recognised certain things that I noticed before. Things that have been weird, too weird, but I ignored it, thinking I heard or saw it wrong.
While digging deeper and learning more about this disorder, I got sick to my stomach, felt hopeless and got scared. How could this be, and how can this be kept hidden, right in my face?