Can't tell anyone

I really hate secrets. They’re too much work. Too much to remember, like what to keep from who, and if I do tell someone, who do they know and such. But since secrets, big or small are inevitable, the few that I do have, I don’t share with anyone.

There are also those things that I want to share with others, like what I think of something, or someone. Or how I feel about myself, and my life. I learned that I can’t share that either. When I have a strong opinion or feeling about the purpose of life, or my life specifically, people get real emotional and tell me that I should get help. Last year I’ve had that help, professional help. It’s not useless, but not truly helpful either. The limitations of what professional help can do for a person make it so that you need to learn to suck it up and not pursue what you truly believe in. They usually go the easy way, by saying that I need to accept things that I find unacceptable. Or walk away from people that mean the world to me.

What really helps are friends that truly try to understand what is bothering me, and why. Who help me find answers to my struggles. Who are willing to help me find reasons to live on. Who are the reason for me to live on. That friend is currently out of reach for me. I really need her now.